It all happened on a Tuesday.

Remember a while back when I had my mommy moment that made me officially FEEL like a mommy? Well, it happened again. It was a beautiful Tuesday morning...

William wakes up earlier than I like, but he is just so darn cute I let it pass. He takes his nap earlier in the day so we typically stay in jam jams and hang out. Well, this Tuesday was no ordinary Tuesday. It was the worst Tuesday of my Tuesday's.

Liam is such the climber these days. On the couch, bed, chairs, his slide. While I was lying on the couch trying to wake up, Liam was running rampant on God knows what energy he sapped from anyone within a 2.67 mile radius. This kid never stops. I am always the one who changes the diapers because William saves them specifically for me. Once I smell it, the hair stands on the back of my neck. This Tuesday was no different. I smelt the smell and immediately looked at the monster playing on the floor. I procrastinated for a few minutes to enjoy the non screaming, sweet little monster in front of me. I would come to regret this time of peace and all five minutes of it.

I finally muster the courage to change the cesspool that is my son's diaper. I can remember it in slow motion. I start to sit up, and there it is. A pile of shit on my ever loving couch. Smears of poop on my couch, wall, floor, and child. Everywhere. I immediately start giggling because I don't know how to handle my emotions properly in these types of situations. I grab the first disinfecting type cleaner I can find. A sane person might test this substance on their microsuade couch, but I did not. Thankfully, I had the upholstery gods shining a little love on me so all was well.

So I take the Clorox wipes to the poo and try to not spread it and while using the rest of the wipes William grabs the container. I did not know. I hear him cough/gag and I turn to find him a little blanched (kidding, har har)... I found him with liquid down his face and a look of confusion in his little doe eyes. I grab his fat cheeks in a hurry and smell his chubby face and immediately know he did what I prayed would never happen. He drank the Clorox cocktail. I frantically call poison control and tell them what this tornado child did. Thankfully, this was not a crisis and he just needed to drink fluids.

I get him off to bed and start cleaning the toilet... I mean couch. It takes me pretty much all of nap time. I manage to not have a complete melt down and when Marty comes home it doesn't smell like crap or even look like it happened. I wonder if I hadn't sent photos as evidence if he would have believed me.

I get a load of laundry going and start looking for my phone. And look. And look. And call. And start to realize what I have done. I washed my phone. In with the laundry. The one that I just started using since Marty got a new one. It was in there, I spent 5 minutes looking and 1 feeling around soapy water.

Needless to say, freaking ridiculous Tuesday.

Ridiculous

I find it sad and ridiculous that I have not posted a blog in MONTHS! To be said, I have been insanely busy. I started and finished my first semester of school... with a 4.0! I don't think I have been able to say that since I was in elementary school. I never tried hard, but I know how important it is now. The school I go to has a certain (small) amount of spots open for the following school and I have to keep my game in check till the end! School with William had its ups and downs. To start... he is still not sleeping through the night. I know that if I don't fix this soon, it will go on for years. It's getting to the point in his life that he will be more adamant than me when getting what he wants. I need to get him to sleep till morning, otherwise I'm going to be a very tired mama for the next few years. I finally have a routine down for school itself and I'm very sure I can finish at the top of my class. I'm determined.

William will be one in less than a month. I thought I would have reported more via blog than I have in the past year. It makes me happy to see how big he is getting and the little boy he is becoming, but I have to remind myself that he is a baby still. He's not even a toddler no matter how smart he is. He lights my day and I feel whole with him following me around and wanting/needing me. He is very close to trying to walk. He lets go for a few seconds now, no wobbling for this tank. He's funny, sweet, active, crawls on everything and everyone. He is just a joy to be around and I want to share him with everyone I meet. He is out of 12 month outfits and he isn't even 12 months! William is over 27 pounds and growing strong. It's so much fun to see how tall and heavy he is from appointment to appointment.

Balancing being a wife, mom, student, friend, daughter, sister, alien, and everything else that comes with my life is much harder than I thought it would be. It is smooth from the outside, but it is so tough to do it. I love it, I wouldn't change it, but I can't imagine putting one more thing on my plate. I feel badly that Marty and I don't have many friends, but it is so impossible to find time to cook a healthy meal let alone meet people. We have each other and that's awesome for now, but in the future we will need to be able to go out and shop or fish or gallivant in the fields with our BF F's. Everything comes in time, and we're relatively patient people.

Speaking of patient: Poor Martin. He has been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to an elbow infection. How weird is that? He is okay, but may need more intervention later. He ended up with symptoms of sepsis at one point and I practically had to shove him out the door to go to the hospital. What would men do without us? Seriously? Other than that, it's been under control with mass amounts of antibiotics and pain medicine. Thankfully, he is feeling much better and time will be the teller. It will be nice when I become an official RN so I can better see what is going on. I knew this wasn't something to mess with, but it sure did worry me seeing him get so sick.

Marty's parents got William a trailer for Marty's bike. Will gets strapped in and is pulled by the bike. I thought it was the most absolute awesome thing. He gets to be outdoors without being tired from having to move around. Marty surprised me with a bike for myself so that we can all go riding. It feels so nice to be that family that goes out like that and does the things that makes us healthy and closer. I absolutely love it.

I know how blessed we are and I couldn't ask for anything more than just to stay on the same path we are on. However, I do have a few New Year resolutions. Including but not limited to: losing weight, toning up, and feeling comfortable in my new body. It's hard to remember I helped create and solely carried a human life and that's more beautiful than anything I will ever do. I also want to have a 4.0 in all three semesters of school. I have a few others, but I don't want to set my goals too high. Oh, and blogging more is certainly on my list.

I hope everyone is doing well and happy and I will write soon! And hopefully something funny.

Half a Year and 60 Outfits Later

My monkey boy is now a half a year old! My, how time flies! In that time he has learned how to smile, laugh, snuggle, grab EVERYTHING, eat from a spoon, and many more amazing and wonderful things. Marty and I have learned that he gets frustrated and cries, his diapers don't always hold, three outfits a day sometimes just isn't enough, Liam prefers showers, and just as many other wonderful things.

Mostly though, we have learned how to live with each other, we know how to make every day a fluid movement. We are so blessed to be close with one another, spend time with each person one on one. We tend to everyone's needs with effort and care... wait, I'm pretty sure I'm talking about just Marty and me here... Liam will learn over time how to do those things! He just soaks up the attention for now, which is perfectly fine with us!

Living with someone so dependant on you is really an eye opener. Need a shower? Negative, baby needs a bottle. Want to clean? What's cleaning? Need some alone time? HELLO!! That left the last night of your pregnancy!! And it's wonderful! All of the smelly, unclean, tiring moments that lead up to mile markers couldn't be better!

This is hands down the most rewarding thing anyone can do. And how blessed are we to be able to do it?

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With a Baby on My Hip!

For a long time I think there was this misconception that women, rather mothers, couldn't do things that the average baby-less woman could do. I think somewhere in the back of my head I have felt that way for a long time. As if I have an obligation to my family and only my family and heaven forbid something comes between them and their happiness!! It seems silly now and actually has urged me to be even more diligent and determined to do what I need to do to finish school (in the projected three and one half years) and finish with honors! I'm going to do what I need to do to graduate.

But, when does it get to a point that something has to give? Where in my life am I going to compromise if something unexpected comes up? I have been busy to the max the past few months but I have found time to nap with my little guy, paint a picture if I'm lucky, read a book or two, and just enjoy myself. Now that I will be going to school with no less than three classes on my plate per week, William is getting fatter bigger and more mobile, and Marty and I are still trying to figure out the swing of things with not only each other but with our life in general. Okay, I don't have much of a social life so that's not going to give anymore unless Marty doesn't want to see me anymore. We only see my in-laws one to two days a week so it's not like that's too big of a deal. I already don't shower... ooops, I mean, I already wait for Marty to get home to tend to myself. So what gives? Will I have anything left to give?

I'm confident that everything will work out the way that it needs to. But I tell you this, I just may disappear from there being nothing left of me to give if something detrimental happens in our little world ;) And I know that anything anyone else in this world can do, I can do with a baby on my hip.

MOMMIES OF THE WORLD... UNITE! Just kidding.

Caution: Balancing Act in Practice

My, how things change at the tip of a hat! It feels like the other day since I posted the last blog. I still haven't made it to our computer to write a proper piece, but all in due time... I hope! William is now over 20 pounds at 5 and a half months! He is growing and hasn't taken a break!

Let's see if I can even remember what has happened in our lives... oh, yeah! Marty and I are now married and officially stuck with each other! We visited Georgia and William and I were blessed to be able to stay for three weeks. It was supposed to be two and William and I flew up 5 days before Marty. I had been planning to drive back with him but we realized that a ten hour drive with Liam was not the best idea. So, we got a cheap flight back the next weekend.

I register for COLLEGE CLASSES in less than two weeks!! It is going to be hard, but I am so looking forward to it! I'll be sending William with daddy to the family store and going three days a week for four hours a day. In three and one half years I will be an RN. Too freaking cool!

William is so very close to crawling. He is right there! If he could figure out how to move his arms he would be off! He loves food. Marty likes to sneak him non baby food like bread and marshmallows... but it's okay ;)

Life has been wonderful, hectic, stressful, exciting, and just about every other adjective in the dictionary! I love it! When I get home, I'll write a "real" blog.

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When it craps, it pours!

Every mom has that defining moment where they know they're a mom. I'm not talking about when they get up in the middle of the night with a hungry baby, or changing a diaper every two to three hours, or cleaning spit up off of themselves. I'm talking about that borderline crisis moment, usually by themselves, that makes them laugh when any normal-hormoned woman would cry. I finally hit that point the other day. Will is going to be three months in a few days, and what better time to have my very own chaotic, messy, stinky, unbelievably ridiculous apitomy of a mommy moment.

I have been watching dogs every once in a while since I moved down here and just got a new client with the sweetest girl puppy named Sassy. I kept wanting to call her Sweetie because Sassy is a name I'd imagine a prudent poodle to be named. Anyways, William just got used to bouncing in his new bounce jumping gymborie whatever you want to call it. So, Sassy loves Will. She licks him, she snuggles him, she gets worried when he cries, it's adorable. Here is where it gets fun!

This part is going to make sense later: our landlord was over and changing our leaky faucet in the kitchen and ended up having to use a power saw on metal, let's just say it was not the most pleasant of noises. So half way through with a frowning, on the verge of crying baby and a very shaken puppy, I decided to take them upstairs. Sassy was quite reluctant and quite possibly scarred for the rest of her life in the two days she was here. She finally got upstairs and when the sawing was done, refused to come down. Little did I know, it's because she didn't know how to get back down after going up. Fast forward about 5 hours after I'd finally gotten her myself and carried her down.
Will is minding his business while jumping in his thingy-ma-jig and Sassy is licking at him and he keeps kicking his legs and she finally gives up and walks away. Monster starts crying and I go over and realize he pooped and a little got on the make-shift stand we put under him so his fat, stubby legs can reach something to give him a good bounce. No big deal, wasn't enough to cry home about. I decided this was the best time to give him his much needed bath.

My phone was about to die and while bathing Will I decided to leave it on the charger. I called Marty to let him know in case he called and I didn't answer. While in mid sentence, I look over to the sweet puppy to my left and as dread came over me, I quickly and incoherently yelled at Marty. Not sure why I yelled at him, but I'm pretty sure I got the urgency across to him as I hung up the phone. Reason being? WILL TOOK A BIG CRAP ON THE DOG'S FRIGGING HEAD! ON. HER. HEAD. How is that even possible?

I quickly put Will down while I chase after this hyped up puppy, praying she doesn't jump on the cream colored sheets on the guest bed (thank goodness she can't get on our bed) and she thinks I'm playing with her! She finally goes to our floor length blinds, trying to see outside, and I snatch her before she spreads e-coli all over my bedroom. Will is screaming at me to get this filth off him and I finally lock the dog in the bathroom with Will and me. I get the water running and get William undressed. Ugh. Crap all up his back, all up his front, all down his leg, painted down his feet, and let's not forget ON THE DOG'S HEAD. I get Will bathed and while he's stewing in the bath I get Sassy as best I can. I had my friend Tina coming over within the hour and I hadn't even showered myself. I get Will out, using a receiving blanket because in the midst of my mini crisis I didn't realize the towels were all randomly placed around the house. Of course, not one was in his room. I get his diaper on and walk over to get an outfit for him. On the way back, I step in mildly stale (meaning hard outside, soft inside) dog crap. Hence the story about Sassy being upstairs while the sink was being fixed. In hindsight, I should have used the opportunity to take William and Sassy for a nice walk.

I'd like to say I learned something here. But, the only thing to come of it was realizing one simple fact: I'm officially a mom. I have been initiated into motherhood with the most hectic 45 minutes of my life to tell to the world. And I couldn't be happier!

Happy 3 months, monster boy!

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Helpless

How do you help your child when their doctor doesn't even show concern in helping them?

As I lie here with William for our normal routine of screaming, crying, whimpering, and sleeping in what feels like an endless cycle, I can't help but be angry with his (old) pediatrician for our visit Friday where little, if not no concern was shown. My mom said it best. If you don't have a good support system, what do you have?

At first, my only concern about a doctor for Will was location, insurance, and comfort level. Now the only thing I care about is their level of concern for my child. If I bring my sickly child into your office, especially a newborn, you had damn well better be seeing what you can do for him. Not comment on why I'm no longer breast feeding or pumping. Quite frankly, it's none of your damn business! All you need to know is whether he's being fed properly. You also don't need to know if I snuggled him more than I let him cry. All you need to know is that he is well loved and not neglected. And you damn sure don't need to be telling me to (A) not feed him when he's hungry because it has only been two and a half hours and not three hours since his last feeding OR (B) just let him scream so I can teach him to not rely on me holding him for however long. If I choose to hold my child after I've let them fuss for a reasonable amount of time, it is NOT your place to tell me otherwise. Newborn babies do not know how to manipulate you. All they know how to do is cry until they are comforted. They do not cry to be held just to bug you. They do it because they don't know how to self soothe.

My point is this: if I trust you enough to care for my child, you had better show concern when I'm concerned. My choices for my family are none of your business. I'm not neglecting him, so back off!

Rant over.

P.s. We still aren't sure what Will is going through. We have a new pediatrician we see tomorrow. Wish us luck.

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