Remember a while back when I had my mommy moment that made me officially FEEL like a mommy? Well, it happened again. It was a beautiful Tuesday morning...
William wakes up earlier than I like, but he is just so darn cute I let it pass. He takes his nap earlier in the day so we typically stay in jam jams and hang out. Well, this Tuesday was no ordinary Tuesday. It was the worst Tuesday of my Tuesday's.
Liam is such the climber these days. On the couch, bed, chairs, his slide. While I was lying on the couch trying to wake up, Liam was running rampant on God knows what energy he sapped from anyone within a 2.67 mile radius. This kid never stops. I am always the one who changes the diapers because William saves them specifically for me. Once I smell it, the hair stands on the back of my neck. This Tuesday was no different. I smelt the smell and immediately looked at the monster playing on the floor. I procrastinated for a few minutes to enjoy the non screaming, sweet little monster in front of me. I would come to regret this time of peace and all five minutes of it.
I finally muster the courage to change the cesspool that is my son's diaper. I can remember it in slow motion. I start to sit up, and there it is. A pile of shit on my ever loving couch. Smears of poop on my couch, wall, floor, and child. Everywhere. I immediately start giggling because I don't know how to handle my emotions properly in these types of situations. I grab the first disinfecting type cleaner I can find. A sane person might test this substance on their microsuade couch, but I did not. Thankfully, I had the upholstery gods shining a little love on me so all was well.
So I take the Clorox wipes to the poo and try to not spread it and while using the rest of the wipes William grabs the container. I did not know. I hear him cough/gag and I turn to find him a little blanched (kidding, har har)... I found him with liquid down his face and a look of confusion in his little doe eyes. I grab his fat cheeks in a hurry and smell his chubby face and immediately know he did what I prayed would never happen. He drank the Clorox cocktail. I frantically call poison control and tell them what this tornado child did. Thankfully, this was not a crisis and he just needed to drink fluids.
I get him off to bed and start cleaning the toilet... I mean couch. It takes me pretty much all of nap time. I manage to not have a complete melt down and when Marty comes home it doesn't smell like crap or even look like it happened. I wonder if I hadn't sent photos as evidence if he would have believed me.
I get a load of laundry going and start looking for my phone. And look. And look. And call. And start to realize what I have done. I washed my phone. In with the laundry. The one that I just started using since Marty got a new one. It was in there, I spent 5 minutes looking and 1 feeling around soapy water.
Needless to say, freaking ridiculous Tuesday.