Thursday, May 5, 2011

When it craps, it pours!

Every mom has that defining moment where they know they're a mom. I'm not talking about when they get up in the middle of the night with a hungry baby, or changing a diaper every two to three hours, or cleaning spit up off of themselves. I'm talking about that borderline crisis moment, usually by themselves, that makes them laugh when any normal-hormoned woman would cry. I finally hit that point the other day. Will is going to be three months in a few days, and what better time to have my very own chaotic, messy, stinky, unbelievably ridiculous apitomy of a mommy moment.

I have been watching dogs every once in a while since I moved down here and just got a new client with the sweetest girl puppy named Sassy. I kept wanting to call her Sweetie because Sassy is a name I'd imagine a prudent poodle to be named. Anyways, William just got used to bouncing in his new bounce jumping gymborie whatever you want to call it. So, Sassy loves Will. She licks him, she snuggles him, she gets worried when he cries, it's adorable. Here is where it gets fun!

This part is going to make sense later: our landlord was over and changing our leaky faucet in the kitchen and ended up having to use a power saw on metal, let's just say it was not the most pleasant of noises. So half way through with a frowning, on the verge of crying baby and a very shaken puppy, I decided to take them upstairs. Sassy was quite reluctant and quite possibly scarred for the rest of her life in the two days she was here. She finally got upstairs and when the sawing was done, refused to come down. Little did I know, it's because she didn't know how to get back down after going up. Fast forward about 5 hours after I'd finally gotten her myself and carried her down.
Will is minding his business while jumping in his thingy-ma-jig and Sassy is licking at him and he keeps kicking his legs and she finally gives up and walks away. Monster starts crying and I go over and realize he pooped and a little got on the make-shift stand we put under him so his fat, stubby legs can reach something to give him a good bounce. No big deal, wasn't enough to cry home about. I decided this was the best time to give him his much needed bath.

My phone was about to die and while bathing Will I decided to leave it on the charger. I called Marty to let him know in case he called and I didn't answer. While in mid sentence, I look over to the sweet puppy to my left and as dread came over me, I quickly and incoherently yelled at Marty. Not sure why I yelled at him, but I'm pretty sure I got the urgency across to him as I hung up the phone. Reason being? WILL TOOK A BIG CRAP ON THE DOG'S FRIGGING HEAD! ON. HER. HEAD. How is that even possible?

I quickly put Will down while I chase after this hyped up puppy, praying she doesn't jump on the cream colored sheets on the guest bed (thank goodness she can't get on our bed) and she thinks I'm playing with her! She finally goes to our floor length blinds, trying to see outside, and I snatch her before she spreads e-coli all over my bedroom. Will is screaming at me to get this filth off him and I finally lock the dog in the bathroom with Will and me. I get the water running and get William undressed. Ugh. Crap all up his back, all up his front, all down his leg, painted down his feet, and let's not forget ON THE DOG'S HEAD. I get Will bathed and while he's stewing in the bath I get Sassy as best I can. I had my friend Tina coming over within the hour and I hadn't even showered myself. I get Will out, using a receiving blanket because in the midst of my mini crisis I didn't realize the towels were all randomly placed around the house. Of course, not one was in his room. I get his diaper on and walk over to get an outfit for him. On the way back, I step in mildly stale (meaning hard outside, soft inside) dog crap. Hence the story about Sassy being upstairs while the sink was being fixed. In hindsight, I should have used the opportunity to take William and Sassy for a nice walk.

I'd like to say I learned something here. But, the only thing to come of it was realizing one simple fact: I'm officially a mom. I have been initiated into motherhood with the most hectic 45 minutes of my life to tell to the world. And I couldn't be happier!

Happy 3 months, monster boy!
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1 comment:

  1. HAHA You write beautifully, quite funny, loved this article! I am in the same group as you February 2011!!